Down Syndrome 2

The school organized an open day. Parents came to discuss their children development in the school.

Her first daughter did well in her studies.

“How is your 10 year old girl?”

“She’s ok. I still send her to the special education school.”

“She now knows how to use the washing machine, she can cook the rice using the rice cooker and a lot more.”

“I am happy for her, but the most important thing is, I know that, if I am not around, she will be taken care off.”

“How?”

“One day, when I was on my way to the market with my 28 year old son, at the market we a saw a kitten, so thin and frail. So wobbly and hungry.”

“After buying our weekly ration of fish and vegetables, my son picked up the kitten, put the kitten in a box he got from the vegetable seller and he took the kitten home and nursed him to health.”

“The cat is very healthy now. He named him ‘Lucky’.”

“So my dear teacher, if he is caring enough to take care of the cat and nursed the cat to health, I think he won’t let his sister to face life alone after I am gone.”

I told her, “Yes, I am very sure he will take care of her.”

CIKGUTANYA: I believe so.

Down Syndrome

Her unborn baby was diagnosed to be a down syndrome baby.

“We have run tests and we advised you to abort the baby.”

“Are you sure doctor?”

“Yes”

“We’ll be getting a second opinion, doctor.”

“Yes, please do.”

They did.

The test still showed that the child will be a down syndrome child.

They refused to abort the baby. The child was then born, a girl, and she is a down-syndrome child.

The mother spoke to me when she came to school to discuss about the performance of her daughter in school.

“I am not really worried about my first daughter because she is normal. I am worried about my 10 year old daughter who is a down syndrome baby.”

I told her “But you are rich, you can afford the get the best treatment.”

“Down syndrome is not curable. She will be one until the day she die.”

“But she can be trained to be self reliance.”

“I know that, though trained, she can’t analyse human behavior towards her. She will not know their ulterior motives.”

“I also don’t have any expertise or experience to advise you on this subject,” I said.

“Teacher, I know but thank you for listening.”

CIKGUTANYA: It’s difficult to weigh the wonders of science and the fate of God. I will continue tomorrow.

Transvestite 4

“It took me six months to physically be a man again. Though I didn’t go and search for male client, I still didn’t find women attractive. I still like men. I like looking at handsome, well built man. But that was all.”

“At 48, I got married. It was because my sisters and brothers that keep on pressuring me.”

“They match make me with her. I didn’t know her but just to make my sisters and brothers happy I abide to their wishes.”

“It was a grand wedding, my brothers and my sisters paid for it.”

“My wife was a very sweet woman.”

“I have a child with her, but I just can’t love my wife. We slept together only for about a week and then I moved to the other room but she got pregnant.”

“After she delivered our baby, I divorced her. I know I am being unfair to her but sigh….!“

“I love my child very much but I just can’t love the mother.”

“When I looked at men, I find myself drawn to them. But that’s about all. I will never go back to the lifestyle of a drag/transvestites again.”

My friend is now 53 year old. Still working and supports his child. Never re-married.

His ex-wife, is now happily married to a nice man.

CIKGUTANYA: I AM FOR SEX EDUCATION IN SCHOOL. WHAT SAY YOU?

Transvestite 3

I asked him again, “What changed you after 10 years of being a transvestite?“

“At 26, I decided I wanted to changed my way. That night it was raining heavily, he was standing in front of the famous cinema just beside a chicken rice shop (very famous in the capital city).”

“I wanted to tackle him, I made a passed at him. He smile and I said to myself … wow! What a catch! But instead of having a hell of a happy time, he took me to a coffee shop and make me think hard about my life.”

“I was given issues about transvestites and he asked me to think about it. He was such a very good man. He never judged me for what I am. He just made me think about my life.”

“Usually people will look at us as if we are garbage and a menace to society without really knowing why we are like that.”

“That’s why if you have children please take care of them, don’t entrust your small children to other people, even you think they are nice!”

“OK, back to my story, I keep on seeing this good man (nothing sexual, just talking, and changing of ideas). He is very matured.”

“After a year, I started thinking hard about my life and I started to change my way.”

“I stopped taking the hormone pills, and my bosom shrinked. Hair started to grow again and my skin turned slightly roughed.”

CIKGUTANYA: Good Samaritan is difficult to find. Continue tomorrow.

Transvestite 2

“After 3 months of renting the house he started kissing me here and there.”

“He did it everyday and I don’t mind. I like what he was doing to me. My father and mother hardly showed me physical love. They never kissed me or hugged me. To me what is so wrong about him kissing me. I was only six.“

“When I was 12 years old, in Standard Six, he sodomized me for the first time and I still think that was the way he showed his love.”

“Nobody told me that it was wrong! My parents never knew about it even until the day they died. I kept it a secret all these years.”

“When I was sixteen, it become a way of life to me. The grocery shop owner who was 36 went back to his native country and I started to fall in love with men.”

“I started taking hormone. My skin became softer. I have a bust. My body hair started to fall. I started wearing women dresses . I wore a 4” heel shoes.“

“I worked in a government office. In the morning, I’ll be wearing man’s clothes but at night I will be the lady of the night. Wearing beautiful skirt and gowns and wigs.“

“I will go to a very famous street in the capital city for transvestites to get clients.“

“Sometimes the police will chased us ‘drags’ and we will be running in our 4” heels. Even women can’t do that, but it didn’t deter us from doing what we are doing. We need to get the money.”

“How much money?” I asked.

“I can earned RM 2,000 a month. That is a lot then. Its not the money that matters but the attention given by the men that make me want to do it.”

CIKGUTANYA: Will continue tomorrow. Need to go, got to watch “Upin dan Ipin”.

The Transvestite

I have a friend. A transvestite. He is a nice and jovial person

One day, out of curiosity, I asked him personally, “What make you turn into a transvestite?”

“It happened when I was 6 years old. My parents opened up a stall selling food for breakfast and lunch. They don’t have a maid to help care for me.”

“Everything was done by my father and mother. From marketing, cooking and selling. They will be at the stall from six in the morning till afternoon about two pm.”

“I was born when my parent were 48 years old. Accident child. All my sisters and brothers were married and have their own home, so I am the only child at home.”

“At the back of our house, my father built an extension to the house. Two rooms and a bathroom. He rented it to a man running a grocery shop at the village. He was then 35.“

“My parents trusted him so much. Every morning they will leave me with the man and he will take me to his grocery shop at 8.30 am.”

“In the shop I will be at the back of the shop either playing alone or doing my homework. At noon, I walked to school and be there till six pm. I will go home after six pm and my mother and father will be home by then.”

“My sexual awakening was by this man. My father and mother trusted him and never suspected anything, and to me, what he did was just a way of showing that he cares for me”

CIKGUTANYA: Please think of what will happen next. Bubye!

My Little Angel - Sufi Farisa

This entry is my sad experience on the loss of my grand daughter.. Bear with me for the long story. It is dedicated to all of you.

This is my personal story ABOUT MY LITTLE ANGEL SUFI FARISA. Personal in nature, sad in mode. Please bear with me.

On the 16th of Mei 2010 at 6.50 am, my grand daughter, Sufi Farisa Mohamad Firdaus, passed away. She was just 4.2 years old. It broke my heart to million pieces. For once in my entire life I just don’t have any control over what happened to my life. The world was crumbling! I thought it has ended!

My granddaughter was such a beautiful, cute little girl. She has this lively and bubbly character. She made friends with the neighbours’ children very easily.
What I remember most about her was her prayer,“Merciful Allah, please save us from the Satan” whenever I am with her, driving her around Putrajaya.
Then she will say,“ Ok you can drive now mamatok (grandma)!”

Dear Sufi Farisa,

I know you are in heaven. Your place is guaranteed there. But Farisa, grandma is still trying to mend my broken heart and still trying to lessen the burden of pain in my chest for losing you.

Your Uncle Wan and Uncle Yen cried for you my dear. They love you very much. Uncle Fiq is still in Australia and he also cried for losing you too.

Uncle Wan, UncleYen and mamatok still talked about you. We still visualize you around the house when you came visiting us in Precint 10 Putrajaya every night or fortnightly with your mother and father or when we visited you in Precint 11 Putrajaya.

My darling Sufi Farisa ,

You have such wits about you that amazed me. I remember one day, I was searching for something but I could not find it and you said to me,

“Mamatok (grandma), you look for it using you nose, that is why you couldn’t find it, let me help you find it with my eyes.”

You were only three then.

Farisa Darling,

Uncle Wan can only speak at five, but you can speak since you were two. There’s nothing that can stop you from talking. Once, I asked you to stop talking and immediately you ask me “Why!”

I told you that I wanted to watch the news on tv.

“Why”

I explained, “Mamatok (grandma) wanted to know what happened in the world and in the nation.”

“Why” again.
“WHY” again.
“WHY” again.
“WHY”

The “WHY” will always be on your lips.

Uncle Wan and Uncle Yen is pining for you. Both of them are my pillars of strength now. When I cried, they will console me. It is tough I know. I also knew they are suffering too just like me.

Farisa dear,

When I went to the hospital that eventful morning, the very moment they opened the door of the mortuary, I saw you lying there, my feet just gave way! All of a sudden it went like jelly. I just can’t stand!

What else to walk!

But uncle Wan and Uncle Yen help me. They put me on the wheelchair and pushed me towards you. When I saw your lifeless body and your sweet face there, my head spin and everything went black!

My darling angel Farisa,

I cannot imagine what your mother and your father felt, it must be as painful if not much more than what I felt that day.

I always imagine Sufi Farisa now, wearing a white flowery gown in heaven, in a very beautiful and colorful garden, butterflies following her around, with her friends, playing and she will be talking and talking. Small angel in Heaven.

“Dear Merciful Allah, I know that my grand daughter is happy there but, Ya, Allah please help me and my family and show me and my family the way to go through this greatest test you have put on us.”

I know that “Ajal dan maut di tangan Tuhan” (Death is in God’s hand). I know that if our time to go is up we have to go, no matter what. Not a moment earlier or not a moment late but the sadness tha comes with it is too unbearable.

“Please Ya Allah, give me the strength to accept this fate (redha).”

I still remember when Sufi Farisa wanted to sleep, I always sing this song for her with a fewer changes of lyrics:

Tidurlah wahai Sufi Farisa , tidurlah
(Go to sleep my dear Sufi Farisa , go to sleep)

Pejam mata, hai tidur nyawa,
(Close your eyes, sleep my dear life).

Ku dendangkan, ku nyanyikan,
(I will sing for you, I will serenade you).

Duhai Farisa jelita
(My beautiful Farisa).

Jika kau tidur lena mimpikan bahagia
(If you sleep, dream of all happiness).

Di taman syurgaloka kau dan aku bersua.
(We will meet again in beautiful heaven).

She will hold on to her bantal busuk (special pillow ) and she will sing this song together with me. She will always sing in the higher note when it comes to her name and then she will slowly sleep.

Farisa my darling , sleep well my darling.

There are lots of memories of her and me. I will hold on to it for dear life.
She likes to sing whenever we are in a car or in the house. She particular liked three songs. All these songs was taught by me. These songs were:

Song no 1
Title “Cari jodoh” (Looking for a bride/groom) by Wali Band.

Song no 2
Title “Ketulusan Hati” (Pure Heart) by Anuar Zain.

Some of the lyrics in this song are:
Cintaku tak berdusta (My love never lie)
Tak mengenal ingkar (Will never go against my promises)
Tak kenal nestapa (My love do not know the word of sorrow)
Apa yang ku rasakan ini (Whatever feeling I had)
Hanyalah untuk dirimu (It is just for you)
Kau dengarlah kasih ku (Please listen to me my love)

And so on
Song No 3
Title "Izinkan ku pergi"( Please let me go ) by Khair

The last verse is
Maafkan aku duhai kasih (I am so sorry my dear)
Izinkan ku pergi (Please let me go)

In her childlike voice and in her childlike way of saying the word – she was just too cute.

I missed her a lot already.

I once asked her what she wants to be when she grow up ,

“Mamatok, ayah kerja “Pontokol JPM ” (Protokol Jabatan Perdana Menteri) , mama kerja MAMPU JPM, Farisa nak jadi concalten (consultant) – tapi Fisa tak mahu pergi sekolah.”

I told her to be a consultant , she must go to school. To be a consultant she must be clever and intelligent.

She told me then , “Ayah nak pergi USA belajar, Farisa sekolah di USA la mamatok” (Mamatok, my father is going to USA to further his studies, OK, I will do my schooling in the USA too.)

She really look forward to go to the USA, she told her nanny, “Mak cik Yam, bila nak pergi USA nanti Mak Cik Yam ikutlah sebab Mak Cik Yam kena pegang tangan Farisa, mama pegang Sufi Fariha, ayah pegang Faris.”
(Mak cik Yam, when we are go to the USA, you have to follow us, you have to hold my hand, mama will hold Sufi Fariha and papa will hold Faris.) – How do you feel here?

Ya Allah, Sufi Farisa, my dear grand daughter I always love you.

My husband, thank for being here with me. Let us remember her in our heart.

My darling daughter, Suliana, God love your daughter Sufi Farisa more than us and she’s waiting for you in Heaven (Firdausi - just like the name of your husband). She is now in the best place that you can be.

My dear son-in-law Firdaus, please take very good care of my daughter. And always remember, your daughter Sufi Farisa is waiting for you and your wife in Heaven Firdausi (just like your name).

My dear son, Khairil Syafiq, who is now in Australia and could not be here with us, “It’s ok sayang (darling), I am worried about you alone there, but sayang, remember the good times you had with her. I know you had taken over 1,000 photos of her. Sayang, anak mama (my darling son) I pray for your well being. I love you.”
My dear sons, Khairil Safwan and Khairil Syahrin, thank you for being the pillar of my strength during this turbulent time and all the time. I love you both with all my heart.

To my daughter-in-law, Hidayah, thank you very much. I know my Sufi Farisa bullied you since you came into our family. She just won’t leave you alone if she knew you were in the house.

“Auntie Dayah, Auntie Dayah, sit with me, don’t go anywhere.”

Nabila, thank you for being there with me. I love you very much and I hope one day you will be part of my family. Remember how Sufi Farisa called you “Auntie Bella, Auntie Bella.”

Semah, my dear cousin, she was heavier than you are. But you always take the effort to carry her around because she asked you to pick her up. I can see you were panting. I remember she would not let go of you. You cannot move because she wanted you to be with her.

My brother Din, thank you my dear brother. Words cannot describe my gratitude to you.

Nadia, thank you for the video of Sufi Farisa singing on her few last days in life.
To Cu Nawi, thank you for being there to support me and our family.

To all my family members, my brothers and sisters, my aunties and uncles, my cousins, my nieces and nephews, thank you very much.

To all my husband’s family, thank you.

To my dearest best friend Puan Halimah Shamsuddin (SMK St Gabriel), 33 years of friendship gave me much advise, thank you very much. Every morning you will be there for me, listening to me pouring my heart out. Your advise keep me going in facing this test. Thank you my dear friend.

To Margaret Mary Lawrence, you are such a friend. I will always remember you. You came to the house with Julie Tan Abdullah and Datin Haminah Mahmud, the three of you cried with me, consoling me in between. You always send me sms to keep on advising me. We have been friends for 20 years now.

And ,yes dear, I have kissed the toes of Faris (Sufi Farisa’s three year old brother) and Sufi Fariha (Sufi Farisa’s three month old sister) as you have asked me to do through your sms.

You wrote there, “I am a mad woman!”

You are not mad my dear friend, you just love children and cannot bear to see me sad. Thank you dear.

Datin Haminah, thanks for your advises. I will call you again and again. Bear this with me. For how long? Only God knows!

Datin Zawirah, Puan Radiah Nordin, Datin Hasman Abu, Puan Hasnah – thank you so much and you will forever be dearest friends of mine. I will remember your empathy.

All my friends from SMK Bandaraya, thank you for being with me. I cannot name all of you but Puan Aizan, Puan Haslina, Puan Masitah, Cik Lili – you are all truly my friends.

My friends from SMK Maxwell, Puan Noraini and Ustazah Fazilah, Puan Habibah, En. Silvaratnam, Datin Nab, Puan Sariah; thank you.

My friends from Pejabat Pelajaran Daerah Bangsar – Pudu, Puan Rosnani, Puan Husna, Encik Hamdan, Encik Mustafa, Puan Noraini and all there, thank you! Thanks for your presence and for all the sms.

My friends from Kementerian Pelajaran Malaysia, Cik Shaliza, Encik Wan Salahuddin, Encik Sohimi, my words of gratitude, thank you.

My friends from Jabatan Pelajaran WP Kuala Lumpur, Tuan Syed, Pak Ya , All Jo, my former student Mohd Nazeri Desa, Puan Halimah, Cik Ayu, Encik Yusof, Cik Faridah Jebah, Puan Norizan, Encik Mohd Noh, Puan Zie, Encik Sazali, Encik Aziz, Encik Abdullah, Cik Nik Ramas, Puan Rosni, Puan Norlilah, Puan Hajah Nik Samihah, Encik Noh, Encik Musa, En Suraimi, Puan Zah , Encik Jamal dan isteri, Puan Zainon, Encik Azizi, Encik Zaini, Puan Noraini and many others, just to name a few – thank you very much for your presence and the sms and phone calls.

Zaidi, Ita and their children, thank you. Your kid missed his tuition that day.
“Ya Allah, restuilah rakan baik ku ini.”(Merciful God please give your blessings to this good friend of mine.)

Dear friends do not be offended if I did not mention your name here, please forgive me, but thank you so much for all the condolences and support to us.

Never have I imagined, I have many good friends! Thank you dearest friends.

Sufi Farisa, I will always remember you. And till I join you in the hereafter, always remember that MAMATOK LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

French Bread II

“I looked at the picture of Eiffel Tower in the magazines. It was not beautiful at all. Our Parliament building (the highest building in Malaysia at that time) is much more captivating sir. That’s my feeling.” Ali told the teacher.

“You are stupid!”.

“The European city is so beautiful. Everything is beautiful,” retorted the teacher.

“What about the girls sir?”

“They are beautiful too. They are all very stylish.”

“But sir, they don’t wash their private part and buttocks when they answer the call of nature. They just wiped with paper!”

The whole class laughed.

I could see that our geography teacher tried very hard to hold his anger. The rest of us was so scared that our friend Ali would be slapped by our teacher.

“Your know what, back to the story of French bread. You can dip it in hot tea and eat it, or just eat it with butter or jam.”

He continued, “When I was in Paris recently, I always carry this bread with me as a weapon. If anybody has bad intention towards me, I will knocked his head with it, like this.!

He then knocked Ali’s head with the bread.

CIKGUTANYA: Nobody complained then. Today, teachers cannot even stare at the student let alone physical contact.

The French Bread

When I was in Form Five, my geography teacher was a male.

He was sent to Paris for a course by the government. Those days, for a teacher to go for a course in the UK or Europe meant that they were good teachers.

One day he came to our class to teach geography. The lesson was about Europe. He brought with him a long and hard kind of bread.

“This is what you call a French bread.”

The only bread we know at that time was just “roti benggali”

“It is long , hard and good to eat. It is easily available in Paris”

“Do you know where Paris is?”

My friend, Ali answered, “Yes Sir! It is in France.”

“Good, you know your geography well!”

Ali was a very mischievous boy . He was never scared of the teachers or the Principal himself.

“Have you ever been there?”

“No, Sir!”

The teacher continued, “I’ve been there, it was a long flight. Hours and hours of flying. I went there for a course. Do your know anything about Paris?”

Again Ali answered,“Eiffel Tower, Sir.”

“What is Eiffel Tower?”

“A tower made of steel. Screwed together . Rusted steel and iron sir! I don’t know why people think so highly of that ugly tower.”

“Have you been to Paris?”

“No!”

“So how do you know it is ugly?”

CIKGUTANYA: The teacher’s face turned red. We were all very scared. Continue tomorrow.

Beauty Queen Of the School

She was a beauty queen representing one of the states in Malaysia for the Miss Malaysia Contest.

She was courted by a professional, a teacher. He was also a teacher for Physical Education at my school.

She taught Form 3, and he taught the Form 4 and 5. They were in love. He drove a sports car. A rare sight in town.

The students of the school looked up at the couple.

He was tall while she was pretty. They were wonderful love-birds. Eventually they got married.

He drove to school with her everyday. Once he reached the school he will open the door for her to get down from the car.

“Thanks, honey.”

“You are welcome darling.”

She will then kissed him on the cheek in front of the students.

They showed their share of affection between a husband and a wife.

Comments will then be heard.

The boys commented, “I have never seen my father and mother kissed each other.”

“What a couple! I want my wife to be just like her.”

The girls commented, “Hey, she got no shame! She should do it behind close doors.”

And so on and on.

CIKGUTANYA : Why not? Let’s be romantic.

Holiday In Langkawi

I brought my sons and daughter to Pulau Langkawi (Langkawi Island) for a family holiday when they were small.

We then went island hopping from one island to another.

There were two islands in Langkawi called “The Big Fart Island” (Pulau Kentut Besar)
and “The Small Fart Island” (Pulau Kentut Kecil).

My son then asked me, “Mama why are the name of these two islands so weird?”

I then throw back the question to him,

“Why do you think so, my dear, the name of these two island is such?”

“Mama, I think, once there were two divers searching for oysters.”

“But before they dived, they ate a lot of beans for breakfast.”

“They stayed so long underwater searching for the oysters. Full of beans, and so their stomach bloated. So they begin to fart.”

“The first diver farted in a big way. ‘POOOOOT’. The bubble from the fart formed the big island.”

“The other diver farted in a small way. ‘Peeeeeet’. The bubble from the fart formed the smaller island.”

“That is how these islands got their names!”

I laughed and laughed at his wits. He was only twelve then.

CIKGUTANYA: My children are the sunshine of my life.

POTONG KEPALA

“Jangan keluar rumah, jangan keluar main-main – ada orang potong kepala”
(Don’t go our of the house, don’t go out and play. There’s someone head hunting to cut off your head.”)

“Why?” I ask my grandmother.

“Because one company is building the Penang Bridge. So they need a lot of childrens’ head ”

“For what?” I asked again.

“The head is used to make sure the bridge won’t collapsed. The head will be crushed to fill in the piling of the steel base of the bridge.”

My brother and I then stayed home for the rest of the day.

When we have to go to school, we felt quite safe as it was early in the morning. But immediately after school we would run home very quickly to escape from the head hunter.

The explanation that I can give now was that in the yesteryears, there was not much cattle feed in the market and the grass cutting machine was not available to cut the grasses. The grass had to be cut manually by using the sickle “sabit”.

The grass cutter normally would be cowherd owners and they cut the grass for the herd of cattle they own. But every time the children see them they will run and scream “potong kepala” (Head-hunters).

That was one of the ways my grandparents and many other parents in our village used to controlled children from wandering around in the village. No lepak activities.

CIKGUTANYA: If I used the same tactic on my children, my engineer son will give me a long lecture on how a bridge is built.

Rubber Tree

When I was in standard six, my friends and I like to go to the rubber estate to search for rubber seeds. Not to plant it but to used it for the traditional game of “congkak”.

To play the game we need 98 rubber seeds in total.

We were so engrossed picking-up the seeds without realizing the so called mad man of the village was approaching us. He became mad because he was such a mama boy that when his mother passed away he just lost his mind.

We ran away when we realized that he was near. We also screamed and ran as fast as we could as though our life was in danger.

What I remember was that the four of us peed in our pants while running because we were so scared,.

We met at my grandmother’s well and took a bath fully clothed.

My grandmother was confused because I came back to the house all wet when there was no rain. I had to explain to her what had happened.

She just said this to me, “The rubber tree will grow healthy because of the fertilizer in your pee.”

Then she just walked off and laughed.

CIKGUTANYA: He he he the rubber tree is now gone because the North-South Highway was built on the rubber tree estate. Grandma, you were such a sport. May God bless you.

Policeman!

I like to ask my students what they would like to be once they leave school.

“I want to be a teacher so that I could teach in the rural area.”

“I want to be a doctor because it is my parents wish.”

“I want to be a lawyer because my father and mother are also lawyers.”

“I don’t have any ambition yet, I’m still thinking.”

“I want to be a singer. I have the voice and talent. I had won a few singing competition.”

“I want to be a businessman. I’m going to sell fruits at the wholesale market.”

When his turned was up this boy said,
“I want to be a policeman”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because if I got shot in my line of duty, my parents will be getting RM 25,000/= as compensation for my death”

CIKGUTANYA: Gulp! Dear merciful God!

Cooking Class

When I was in this all girls school from Form One to Form Three, we must take up cooking classes as a skill to be learned by girls.

I was from a small village and only know how to cook the traditional food or ‘kueh’,
Laksa, mee rebus, mee goreng (noodles), banana fritters and curry puff (traditional cakes).

Those days ,the menu that was being taught in school was always European menu. Sandwiches, carrot cakes, butter cake, spaghetti and all.

One day the teacher that taught us cooking told us that for the next day’s lesson , she wanted us to do “The Egg breadcrumbs fritters”.

My friend and I were all from the village. We were just wondering what is breadcrumbs.

“Breadcrumbs? Hey what is it? Bread, I know, but breadcrumbs.”

It’s very alien to us students from the village.

The next day, half of the class got chased out of the class by our cooking teacher for not bringing the bread crumbs to class. We have to stand on the corridor of the cooking class throughout the lesson.

We just stand outside.

The student nowadays are very lucky indeed, the syllabus of cooking class is more towards our own multiracial food and the ingredients can be bought easily at any supermarket in the city or just a small shop in the village.

CIKGUTANYA: I still don’t know how to use breadcrumbs in any way of preparing my kind of food for my family.

Condominium Story

This boy was in form two.

A good and obedient boy he is. No discipline problems in school. The only son out of three children. He was the youngest.

His older sister 18 years old was in form sixth and scored 9A’s in her SPM examination.

The second sister 16 years old was in form 4 and scored 8A’s in her PMR examination.

His mother wants him to follow the footstep of his sisters that is to excel in his studies.

The result of his secondary one examination was not up to her mother’s standard.

He only managed to get 18th placement in his class out of 40. His mother was not satisfied with his result.

She sent him to tuition, got a teacher to coach him individually. No games. He was not allowed to play any games. His times was spent on reading! Reading! Reading! Books! Books! Books! Exercise Book! Exercise Book! Exercise Book!

There was a 1st term and the 2nd term of schooling. He managed to get better results. When he showed his mother his result, his mother scolded him and started telling him about how much she sacrificed. Her time, her money and everything else for him to excel. The boy just kept quiet.

His mother asked him, “What are going to do after this?”

The boy then walked towards the balcony of their 16th floor condominium, while walking he said, “Mama, I love you very much, I hope I will never bother you again with my failure to get higher marks as my sisters did. Please forgive me!”

He just jumped off the balcony from the 16th floor.

Thud – he was gone – forever. Dead.

CIKGUTANYA : I cried when I heard about this incident. I don’t want to know about his mother.

Exam Results

This student received his PMR result.

Language – A
English – C
History – B
Sciences – C
Mathematic - D
Geography - C
and a few subject more – all C

The school had to put him in the Arts stream class.

The next day, his father came to school and scolded me for putting his son in the arts stream class.

I explained that I didn’t put him in that class but HIS RESULT did. To be in the science class, he at least must achieved the minimum qualification, 4 A’s and 4 B’s.

The father was not satisfied with the explanation. He insisted that his son to be put in the science class.

“I want him to be a doctor and to be a doctor he must be in the science class.”

“But, sir, with his results (Science - C and Mathematics - D) he can’t cope with the curriculum of the Form Four and Form Five science class later.”

“He’ll be left behind because the student of the science classes achieved better results in their basic science and mathematics.”

His father comment was, “Put him in the science class or I will complain to the minister.”

The school then agreed to his demand

Two years passed by. When the SPM result was announced I personally looked at the boy’s result.

True enough, the boy’s result was very bad. He failed all his sciences subjects (Biology, Physics and Chemistry) and all the Mathematics papers (Additional Math and Mathematics).

His father came with him to the school to get his result. I just ignored the father. I am only human.

CIKGUTANYA : I told you so….

Married!

This student always sleep in class. He was in form five.

He will be sleeping from early morning until the time for school is about to be over.

We always discussed about him in our staff meetings.

“Why did he always sleep in class?”

“Maybe he’s working till late night, helping his parents.”

“Maybe he studies till the wee hours of the morning.”

As new and young teachers, we were full of energy and we wanted to do our best to help the student.

Two of us went to his house to enquire and inform his parents about his behavior in school.

When we told the father about his sleeping pattern, his father had this to say,
“Teacher, six months ago he was caught with a girl in my house making out. That day we came home early from our food stall because the food was sold out.”

“We had to marry them off because she was then pregnant, and now they had a child that cried all night long.”

“Both are students, but I can’t help them by taking care of their baby because we have to go to the market, cook the food and sell it. They asked for it so they have to face the consequences of their deeds.”

After finishing school, I met them again at an outlet selling jeans. The boy was a cashier and the girl a salesgirl. I asked about their children. They have two kids now and both are still living with their food stall operator parents making ends meet.

CIKGUTANYA: Boys and girls, please be careful life is not that easy.

Continuation of Sleeping Boy

The next day, the father and the mother came. The principal told the about the incident.

The parent was protective of their son and keep on blaming the school.

“You know, my son told me that the teachers in this school is of no standard. They never teach. They never give any homework to the student. They always came to class late. They never give extra classes. They are lazy!”

The Principal just smiled and told the parent, “Your are right. This school is not good. I am no good. The teachers are also no good. They are very lazy. They never give students homework. They never give extra classes.”

“So, I think it’s better for you to transfer your son to a better school. There he can learn better.”

He then asked me to get the boy to the office. I did. The boy followed me to the office.

The principal said, “You told your father and mother that this school is no good, the teachers are lazy ..blah …blah blah….. So , your parent has already agreed to transfer you to a better school.”

“Sir, I don’t want to be transfer to another school . I want to be here.”

“But you told your parent this school is not good, the teachers are lazy. So what’s the point of being here, if the school is no good. If I were you, I will go to a new school to study for my future.”

The student then panicked.

“Sir, I lied to my parents. The teacher here is good. I am the one who always sleep in class and rude to the teachers. Please sir, I want to stay and study here.”

Suddenly, the father gave him a big hard slap on the cheek in front of the Principal and I.

CIKGUTANYA: How the principal handled the situation amazed me . I learned a lot from him. Another form of reverse phsycology!

Sleeping Boy

I was in the class. Teaching. History lesson. This boy was sleeping. I woke him up. He pushed my hand. I woke him up again. Again he pushed my hand. I tried again for the third time.

He stood up and screamed at me, “Teacher. You ci...i!” (its the f…k word in the Chinese dialect.)

I pulled his hand and brought him to the principal’s office.

“Sir, this boy screamed at me and cursed me with the ci….i word when I was teaching!”

“Haiya (Alas)! How could say ci...i to your teacher? You shouldn’t say ci...i to your teacher. Ci...i is a bad word to say out loud. I don’t like it if anybody say the word ci...i. If you’re angry you mustn’t say the word ci...i. I don’t understand why sometimes people used the word ci...i, as if it was their everyday use.”

“Boy, you must remember you have to learn to abstain yourself from saying the word ci...i. I never said ci...i even if I am very angry.”

“Do you think your father and mother like it if you say ci...i. I don’t think your parents will agree for you to used the word ci...i to your teacher. Do you like it if others used the word ci...i on you?”

“Let me remind you again don’t use ci...i especially when you speak to your teachers. It’s rude to say ci...i . OK boy?”

He looked at me and say,
“Teacher, I am sorry for the boy’s behavior towards you. Please call his father and mother, I want to see them tomorrow.”

CIKGUTANYA: The boy say ci...i – ONCE to me The principal in his lecture to the boy used the word 13 times. Hmmm wonder how!

My Grandmother's Sex Education 2

The conductor cannot stand straight and lost control of his balance. His finger then touched my hands. I was scared, really scared!

I reached home crying all the way after the first bus ride to school.

My grandmother was frantic. I kept on crying.

“Why, why?” she asked me.

“Grandma, I’m pregnant!”

“Why and how?” She asked me.

“Today on the way back from school, on the bus, when the conductor wanted to give the ticket to me, the bus jerked and my finger touched his finger sob sob sob!”

And then I wailed again!

“I AM PREGNANT!”

“NO! NO! you‘re not pregnant because you touched his finger – ACCIDENTALY. BUT if you touch his finger INTENTIONALLY then only you’ll get pregnant. Don’t worry. You’re not pregnant!” My grandmother told me.

I was relieved and happy

I went hopscotch with my friends feeling relieved.

CIKGUTANYA:. I only knew about sex, when I was in Form Four during science’s lesson by my fierce teacher .

My Grandmother's Sex Education

When I was in standard six, my school was in my small village. I walked to school or sometimes my grandfather will cycle me to school.

The environment the village were serene, peace and safe.

On completion of my primary education, I have to enroll in a secondary school to further my studies. I have to take the bus to town. The town is 10 kilometers away.

My grandmother was very worried. I am a very protected granddaughter.

My first sex education was from her.

“Listen here, don’t you ever touch a man’s finger.”

“Why?” “

“You will get pregnant if you do that.”

“Ok.”

On the first day to the new school, my grandmother sent me to the bus stand with plenty of reminders.

“Don’t do that, don’t do this. Take care of that, take care of this. Watch out for that, watch out for this.. bla.. bla.. bla.”

The bus arrived. I went up the bus and off to the new school. The conductor of the bus, a man, has to collect the fare from the passengers and then gave them tickets to continue the journey.

On my first day, my grandmother gave me 30 cents for the day allowance. 10 cents for the ticket - two ways and 20 cents for food.

40 years ago 30 cent was a lot for allowances. On the way to school everything was fine but on the way back something happened!

I was happy on the bus. I was laughing away with my friends.

The conductor was busy collecting fares and giving away the tickets. It was my turn then. I gave him the money - no finger touching but when he wanted to gave me the ticket, the bus driver braked hard on the brake pedal and the bus jerked.

CIKGUTANYA : My gosh , I will continue tomorrow.

Double Standard 4

“It disrupted my performance at work. I just can’t focus.”

“You must have noticed that I lost 25kg within 20 days. I couldn’t sleep. All of you think I am on a diet, but I am not. I was suffering inside. I can’t eat at that time.”

“I cried all night in the bedroom. I didn’t cry in front of you all because I want you to see me as a strong mother. But the truth is I am not strong at all. My energy were all drained.”

“What I am trying to tell you is, that’s the feeling of your future ‘other woman’ – the first wife.”

“After your father was married to her, the nights were worst. I kept thinking about him and her and it was killing me. Before his marriage he was with me for 30 days and nights. After his marriage he spends 15 days and nights there. I lost 15 days. She was lucky because from zero, she had him for fifteen days.”

“Now can you imagine the other woman’s feeling when her husband a.k.a your boy friend ask her to sign the consent paper to marry you, my dear.”

“Man will promise a lot of things for you, as what your father did to me 25 year ago, but look what had he done today? I am not going to force you to drop him, but please do think it over.”

“Imagine yourself in the other woman shoes. Would you sign the consent papers without feeling sad. If you can, go ahead. If anything goes wrong later, I am here for you to confide in.”

“I know God allows a muslim man to marry four wives, I am not against it, that is why I signed the paper of consent, but the feeling, the feeling, the feeling was awful!”

Three weeks later she broke of with her boy friend. Now she is married to a nice young man with a potential future. Anyway she doesn’t need to marry him for material wealth because her father and her mother are wealthy.

CIKGUTANYA: Mothers always has a way of influencing their children. I love you my dear mother friend. I admire your strength in facing the test.

Double Standard 3

“Mama, papa allowed me to marry my boyfriend at first. But when he knew he was married, he changed his mind. Mama please help me!”

“My dear, I will but please listen to me.”

“I am the first wife of your father. She’s the second.”

“When he asked me to signed the paper of consent for him to marry again, my heart was
broken, to pieces. I couldn’t shed a tear . I am too numb.”

“I just look at him thinking how could he do this to me. After five children and 25
years of marriage, I felt insulted because he was going to marry a young woman of 35.”

“I was 49 and she was 14 years younger then I am. I would rather he slap me on the face than slapped me with that.”

“For the sake of my five daughters that include you, I put up a very brave front. I laughed with you. I did a lot of activities with you. But deep down I am very sad. Full of sorrow. Full of pity for myself.”

“All my life your father is the centre of my life.”

“My friend told me that I am very stupid just because I refused to go out with them if I can’t be home at 4.30 pm. to wait for your father to come back from the office. I didn’t go to a lot of functions just because your father is at home.”

“During Hari Raya celebration, I never went back to my hometown to celebrate it with my parents.”

“You should know that because you always asked me why we never go back to my side of the village to celebrate hari raya with your grandparents.”

“I only cooked the food that he likes. The maid cooked too, but only the food for you and your sisters”

CIKGUTANYA: Sob, sob, sob, We continue again…

Double Standard 2

Sorry for not updating these few days. Away for National Service duty in remote areas without internet. We will be back by next week, however this installment is due to me being able to go to the nearest town 50km away..

“What is the different, papa?”

“I am your father, you are my daughter. I have to think about you and your future. Any father would feel hurt if his daughter wants to marry a married man.”

“What about the father of your second wife?”

“That was different!”

“Why is it so different when it happened to you? You are being unfair?”

“I am not talking about being fair. I still won’t allow you to marry that man. He is irresponsible towards his family!”

“How do you know? You have never met him. How can you know that he won’t be fair and irresponsible?”

She continued, “Papa, he is rich. Maybe he is not a millionaire but he has his own construction company. He already bought a house for us to stay after we were married. He wanted to give me his Mercedes, he have five cars. His wife goes overseas almost every year.”

“I will be having a comfortable life, papa!” she insisted.

“Can’t you see that? All those are just his way of making you fall for him.”

“Papa what about you? Do you think you second wife wants to marry you if you are penniless?”

“Don’t be rude, you have to listen to me.”

He stormed out.

CIKGUTANYA: I will continue later, the Commandant of the camp is calling me back.

Double Standard

He is married with two wives. His first wife was just 49 when he married his second wife who was 35 . He was then 52 years old. It happened some years ago.

He and his first wife have 5 daughters. No son.

His first and second daughter were already married.

In 2008 his third daughter (23 years old) asked for his permission for marriage.

He agreed.

“Thank you papa, but I have to tell you something else, please be open-minded.”

“Papa, please understand that I love this man very much and he loves me just the same. I want to spend my whole life with him through thick and thin.”

She continued, “I am glad that you agreed when I told you that I wanted to get married.”

“Ok, I know that you are in love and wanted to be married, but what is it that you want to tell me?”

“Papa he is married with 2 children. He is 35!”

“WHAT?!”

“Please, papa!”

“No, no, no. I won’t let you marry him. He has a wife and children.”

“But papa you were married also when you married your second wife!”

“It was different!”


CIKGUTANYA: I will continue tomorrow. I want to watch ‘The Nanny’ on TV